Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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