I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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