I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
