So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
