Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
