hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
