he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
