My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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