I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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