You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
