I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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