omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
