This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
