Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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