My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
