..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
