So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
