the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
