one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize