Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
