i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
