That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
