we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize