Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
