It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
