Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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