Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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