At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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