While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
