I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
