so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize