before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
