you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
