i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
