I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
