took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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