smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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