The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
