Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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