I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
