Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
