glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
