YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
