so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
