she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
