Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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