i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
