i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
