Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
