Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
