Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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