I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
