I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
