I got chris browned last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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