He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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