he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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