there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
