just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
