Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
