you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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