I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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