I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize