"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
