how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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