and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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