Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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