Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
