You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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