Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize