just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
