similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
