I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
