Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
