On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
