do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
