never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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