Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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