u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
