I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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