You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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