I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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